11 April 2006

Now is Tues morning~! One day before my exam~! I juz couldnt really bring myself to study~! Haiz..

Look ard my rm and starting thinking of alot of things.. I juz realized my fav clock - beauty and the beast is not in the room!~ No idea where it went~! Looking at all the puzzles or pictures on my bedroom walls.. Indeed it's all fairy tales.. Perhaps I am really living in a fairy tale story..I should not be thinking abt fairy tale endings.. In the real world, I will not have a fairy tale ending story..

There is one puzzle.. is a collection of alot of disey story, such as Mickey Mouse, beauty and the beast, cinderella and many other disney stories in the puzzle.. This is not done by me.. well it is indeed a wondering gift I had received from one of my ex Kelvin.. who is currently a father of a daughter who is also named Isabelle... haiz.. I really dun understand y such things could happened..

Spoken to his wife the other time.. she td me tt it's becoz she like the name Belle, but kelvin's parent's find it a little funny.. she herself din like crystalbelle.. and alot more.. so she say she name the daughter Isabelle.. so I was like... eerrrmmm.... no comments.. I have always been wanting to give kelvin's parents a call to send my regards.. however.. I juz dun have the courage to do so.. I wont say courage.. but rather.. dunno how to too.. well as this r/s was also over.. there's nth much to bring back abt.. though I wanted to ask for a patch a while later.. but was so surprised to know he has a new gf in less than 2 week... tt's y sometimes i really dunno how to believe guy's word whether they r true or not.. coz one moment they can say he loves u.. on the other moment he has someone else.. I realized in most r/s i am in.. It is nv good in asking for a patch after u have broken up.. Zouky was the 1st time I wanted a patch but I was td by Shaun tt he did nt want.. For William.. I do nt have a chance at all, as tt girl already has his child.. I do not wan to be a family spoiler and never will i be... As for kelvin, like i mentioned.. was tt he has another gf already so i dropped the idea. For Darran, also, I did asked for a patch which I do not know y!~ After all tt I have changed for him, he told me no still.. and some other factors too.. facing so many times failure in patching after a while tt we break up.. was never a successful one.. therefore for this once.. I will never one to try it again.. becoz I know tt even if I were to ask for a patch.. he will nt want to.. and I am not confident to be in a r/s again.

I looked into my written diary and the gifts of my previous r/s, there were so much filled with memories and tears too.. I see this precious moment figure.. a couple on a boat.. was my birthday gift by Zouky on my bday!~ I used to like Precious Moments stuffs very much.. it's not tt I dun like.. it's juz tt it's too exp and it is hard to have collection of everything.. indeed i really felt so contented at that pt of time when he gave me.. though the birthday card he really dinno wat to write.. but I find it sweet enuff..

Next, I have a beauty and the beast crystal ball like from William on my birthday too.. Though he isn't as romantic as others.. I still keep it.. coz its a token of love from him!~ Remembering the time I have with him.. it was happy.. until the end.. he then knew tt I was being lied all the while.. haiz.. At the same time.. I remember how I broadcast this story across touch 512.. and actually sometimes I do miss broadcasting.. though now I cant do le.. coz sometimes bz.. and also with the problem I had with YR b4 etc..

My Guess Watch.. bought by QX on christmas tt yr was really a shocking one.. I love this watch very much as it is my favourite design and I am really surprise tt he gets it for me.. I never expect tt he would buy as it was I though exp and he wasnt working.. but then he bought it.. so I knew in return I muz get something he like.. so I bought him the pink pure milk 1979 t-shirt which he like and also CK perfume!~ Well.. was glad he likes it.. if nt i really feel rather bad..

Looking at all this stuffs.. really aches alot.. I try to smile at all happy memories.. there were some flowers still on my table.. Though it has withered.. I keep them.. coz is he give one.. he is actually the 2nd person who gave me flowers but actually gave me 3 times le... but looking at the flowers really do hurt and will remind me of the things I have been thru and exp wit him.. there were times where I wish to throw them away so I could forget but I juz dun bear.. even the pillow, the stars, moon earrings.. everything he gave me.. I juz feel like throwin them all away so I dun have to remember a thing when I see them.. but then.. haiz.. I guess the only thing I can do is to keep them in a small corner of a cupboard so I wont look into them.. and when like now.. I take out everythin, I will recall the past again.. or if nt.. the other alternative is to throw them all away.. which I really dunno..

Lookin at the stars and the words written in it which I have made for him also hurts me so badly.. i should have given it to him when I last saw him.. but I never becoz I was dishearted of the things tt have happened.. :( somemore seeing him give me stars instead I did not wan to give him anymore.. coz I feel tt he might say tt I am doing wat he is doing.. so I kept it.. Looking at the words inside.. really I dunno wat to say.. am I silly to have done such a thing.. I was actually intending to ask Dylan to pass to him with the Kenshin CDs he lend me on my last day of school.. But Dylan td me tt he is alreay heading to town so I couldnt pass him.. so no choice I td him nx time.. After all this while... I took the stars out and was wondering to give or nt... If I give.. wat would he think.. maybe nt something nice? I also dunno.. but if I dun give.. I keep myself.. the more it reminds me for these silly things.. haiz.. give dun give also so hard to decide.. :( this is so bad..

I can feel tt he has already gotten over everything.. talk to him a few times lately... with the speech he is giving or the way he reply.. seems so..or maybe after all in nature, he is juz like tt... so giving it to him or nt doesn't mean anything to him.. perhaps I should juz throw them away ba~! Becoz after all the bad r/s I have b4.. I feel tt it will not have anythin good either..

Having a bad headache recently.. I dunno y!~ No matter how much panadol I eat sometimes, it dun help.. haiz... I also dunno la... sometimes I juz feel life is really bad.. how come life cant be juz like in fairy tale story or in a drama series with happy ending.. There is so much to thing.. no wonder my headaches never subside.. lol..

Dunno la.. sometime I was think wat Weicheng says.. nth to worry u always give urself so many things to worry.. sometimes I really think its true tt I worry too much already.. but i juz cant help stop worryin for things I care!~ haha.. I also dunno why am i like tt worz.. maybe this is juz me lorz..

alrite... going back to study a while more b4 my headache worsen then I cant study at all... Hope I can remember everything I studied in my brain and not remembering things I dun wish to remember~! :p