14 March 2006

Another week has passed. Everything juz seems to be silent. I start to face the quiet and empty world like I used to for a period of time.

Today, as usual, I asked my mum fetch me to work. She din reply me at all. I din bother to say much, I juz left home w/o a word. Felt so sad the moment I step in the lift. The feeling of being turned down was like so.. I juz cant use words to describe. Tears almost rolled down my cheeks. I td myself, I muz control. I cannot juz becoz of such small matter cry. I managed to convince myself and head towards the bus stop. Suddenly, my phone rang. My mum asked where I was. She say she would fetch me to work. I was felt relieved and contented. At least after all this that had happened, at least there is still my mum who cares. Somehow I should be happy I supposed.

Well, I believe somehow I have not made a wrong decision in giving up the r/s. My worries of him being hurt or sad is nv an issue to him. Ytd, I went out with him as a frien, with ernest kia, Vincent and one of vincent’s frien victor who… Vincent.. juz felt tt ur frien talk big in some sense… not trying to insult but tt’s how I feel la.. hope u dun mind…

We went to Seoul Gdn to eat last nite. This is the 1st time I ate the least of all my seoul gdn trip and also buffet trip. As before, still haven recover from my sickness I supposed, tt’s y I din ate much I supposed. Seeing him talking with Victor at the beginning was like okie he is trying to talk though in the end most of us cant really be bother with him.

After Seoul Gdn, he sent me home. On the way home, I saw him listening to MP3 with the new MP3 his mother juz bought him. Tt’s the feelin I somehow never like. It’s juz like not worried abt the situation or not even upset abt the r/s. This is how I felt when I was with him. Whenever we quarrel, he can still go out with friend’s to enjoy being so happy.. while I juz either went to beach to walk alone or go to some quiet place to sit dw and relax or stay at home ignoring all my friends as usual. Tt’s one reason y it cant help letting me think tt he has other gers outside though how hard I try to convince myself he dun have but his action juz prove otherwise. Felt rather upset at those times tt’s y felt like being alone. But ytd, I din really felt so. Perhaps its becoz we r juz friends now, I dun have the rights to feel so.. Juz like on sun, I was still unsure… but when I know he went out with dylan for a swim. I realized tt this is just him. Perhaps he is still young for a r/s and will nv understand how I exactly felt for him. Well, at least this is a new exp for me and perhaps the last r/s I suppose. Seeing him like this, it’s a relief for me and also a signal to me telling me tt it’s time to move on not staying in this place.

After all this while, I am thankful for all that he has given me and also it shall juz be a memory kept in the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

I guess, this shall be the end of all r/s. I have enough of love and I am tired of it already. I dun wan to continue to get hurt. After this once, it’s sufficient.

Well, last nite, I supposed it’s my last blessings for him. I was hesitatingly whether to sms him with my last blessings or not. But somehow, I juz felt like I want to send, so I sent.

Perhaps it will take a long time for me to recover, but I will juz use my ways to recover. I did learn somethings in this r/s as it dun applies to other r/s. It’s not true tt, if u really care abt some thing, you’ll definitely think of something to salvage the situation. Somehow I felt tt this theory was wrong to apply on him. Not everyone will do so, juz like me I supposed. Becoz in all my pass r/s, like Darran, Kelvin, QX.. whoever… before we ended the r/s, they sure come to my place or try finding me outside unexpectingly to salvage the problem. But he din. I am not comparing, juz stating a theory tt I think it should apply but I was wrong. Totally wrong.

But after all, I still did learn my lesson. It’s enough.

I’ve already cut down on KOF and also Maple and all my fav games. I haven been to bugis for quite a while already. Ever since the time I mention that I will stop going bugis.. Well, Bugis is currently a ban place for me. Perhaps I will juz stay at home a period of time and be missing in action until I fully recover from this ordeal!~
I’ll continue to update my blog once in a while during my absence. If you all are interested u all can come and visit my website :p U r all most welcomed.

Thank you everyone who have helped me and cared for me so much. I will go into recuperation mood.. Please do not forget ppl.. I hope by the time I come out the nx time, I really hoped u all do remember who I am, and I will be very contented. Thank you everyone!~

I felt tt this song really truely describes how I really feel rite now:

你快乐就好，为什么要我感觉到？？我突然闻到丝丝的炫耀，我始终没有勇气面对你的笑。。 当我想逃，却逃不了。。

傻一点也好，其他的我不想知道。。 你留给我的糖衣太美好，有 chocolate，蓝莓，还有柠檬的味道。。我宁可在糖罐里绕 才不会想你想到没心跳。。

好与坏，其实都不重要。。我早已失去逃离的力量 。。

糖罐子装着，回忆里的我们，甜甜的梦，软软的吻，酸酸的快乐。。。 糖罐子开了，所有的滋味我都舍不得。。甜蜜都被眼泪慢慢的融化了。。。。。