Year End

It’s the end of month!~ And obviously, it time to update my blog once again. Well, I think this month hasn’t been a great month for me I suppose. I tot I would be happier this mth, but sad to say indeed I am not.

At the present moment, I think I am down with a cold. I have been squeezing the whole of last nite. Initially, I wanted to lvl my maple, but then now I can’t. Haiz.. feel so bored in trying to lvl as no one is playing together with me as well as no items means no mood to lvl… Haiz.. perhaps I should stop playing maple soon and really have to start finding things to do.

Today is my brother’s birthday. No one is at home. My whole family has gone overseas and I seriously feel so lonely. When I go home, its so quiet, when I leave home, same also.. Seriously this month, I aren’t feeling great, dunno how to overcome all the stress which I am facing. If ever I have the chance to turn back, I really hoped that I won’t be the present me now. What is the present me? I also dunno.. A girl who is lonely, sad, pessimistic and quiet. How I really wished tt I can go back to the past where I am a happy, cheerful, lively person.

Today at work, it sux.. Juz saying the tracking of the email. I did sent the email to the respective colleagues to follow up, but she say I din and say that she is not going to reply and ask me to close the email and she reply as new email if not it will pass SLA. WTH lorz.. the other gers also no say anything, even they replied, they also searched and give it to me. I onli ask them check if they reply if not juz reply. Wat abt those emails where they have not replied and its passed SLA, din I reply for them. It doesn’t pay to be good man. Even pass SLA I also reply.. so wat if it has passed. Better than dun reply.. Luckily till now my TL has not say anything much though she did question me, but I td her I did send. So she asked me to forward her the email to see. Well, I did forward the email to her and I have no idea y she din receive.. perhaps her email may be full at tt pt of time when I forward her so she reply then sound as if it is my fault. My senior TL says that if the person did not reply, I muz go to her to ask, so I did go to her and she tell me so much craps.. saying really nonsense.. said tt she replied but I insist she din. I td her I din say she din.. I td her the system sometimes has error, I have checked the mailbox already, but I cant find. Tt’s not my fault, tt’s y I ask her. I dunno wat she wants lorz.. is it so hard that she write me the time and date of the email she has replied so I can juz close the email. Is it so difficult. Haiz… I really find life so meaningless and miserable at this yr end though it gonna be new yr soon.

Sometimes I do hope I have someone to convey my sadness to. But then seriously, I rather keep them to myself. So what if someone really knows.. they cant do anything too.. instead I let them worry. Tt’s y I dun like to say my problems out but rather juz throw everything out here. Haiz.. suddenly I feel so hurt by so many things. Maybe I am not one who can handle many many situations occurring resulting in getting so hurt. Rite now, other than having a cold, my heart aches again. Soon I think I might be having headache again.. haiz.. I dunno la.. feel so helpless in anything I do.. I cant do anything rite.. I really dunno wat I can do man.. I feel like going home rite at this moment but I know I cant.. there’s no reason for me to leave too. Haiz.. what am I supposed to do…. I really missed a lot of times… but time flies and so many things have happened… a lot of things, once gone, you can’t have it back.. was thinking to give up in watever I do. I have no more perseverance in watever I do. I need a break.. a clean break.. from everyone… As I cant help anyone, I believe no one can help me either. Everyone has their own things to do.. and their own problems to handle.. I cant rely on anyone. Though I really hoped there is someone by my side to share my ups and downs but I believe its not easy for someone to pull me up to my old self. I have been trying real hard but each time the harder I try, the more hurt I am..

Juz I am not catching lunch today.. not in the appetite to eat and also dunno wat to eat.. i will juz slp.. until 2.. and then i will be more energetic I hope....

School
Well, school for this term has ended of coz.. and exams are over. For my accounts, 3 ½ questions were abt the same as my term last time.. so I think I should be able to pass this. As for OOP, I really dunno. It seems rather hard. I cant do much.. haiz.. its so not the thing like Mr Tan has said and most of us were like complaining that he is bias as he gave last term ppl accurate tips but in this term he did not even give us any focus. Well exam is over.. I can only wait to the result releasing day to see if I can pass or not. As for nx term, I left with 2 more modules and Informatics is not going to open nitez class for one of my last module as ask me to take the afternoon class. I am working in the afternoon, how on earth can I go for class. I discussed with my TL at work and they say they will let me know soon, but they haven tell me anything to now. It’s already to be nx week which means school is re-opening soon, guess I will send in my request once again 2nitez b4 I leave work or maybe 2molo as I am on leave on fri.. But if not, perhaps, I might tender my resignation ltr then in order to finish my studies. Well, I am not young anymore serious.. At this age, I am still taking my degree.. I seriously find it too slow at the rate and I am going.. many ppl at my age, have already got their business or even their own family.. wat abt me.. I am alone with nth.. this is really pathetic.. When a ger reached the age close to 30.. if she still cant achieve anything, I think she is gone too.. well, I only have a few more yrs to achieve tt.. I have no idea if I could really achieve anything at the rate I am going as well as the way I am going. I really hoped that I turn back time and redo a lot of things then I wont be in such a position now.

Work
I believe there’s nth abt work I wanna tok abt much. In my work place, I saw Ah bur’s frien.. and surprisingly he is my Louis kor’s frien.. somemore I got to know they all stay so close to me.. at red hill.. in this world there are really a lot of things that are so coincident.. well, other than this, I think nth much already as work wise is always on off.. It does’nt pay to be good... I think I will have to forgo everything for now.. I dun wish to be helpful to ppl whom do not appreciate my help at all. Furthermore, I will not help her to reply any more English emails… ask me reply English emails can.. but ask her do some things cannot.. this is annoying.. if English emails is under her name and I replied for her.. then y cant chinese emails under my name be replied by her.. there is completely no logic in this matter.. well.. hoping for the news to be released soon on whether I can take leave on fri or rather cover up my shifts on weekdays… haiz.. it sux…

Christmas
Christmas this new is rather quite quiet or not so happening like previous years. Previously.. all my programs, I do not really need to organize.. I juz have to follow and definitely I prefer tt as being a organizer is hard. Seriously I prefer going out with groups at times as I can see more laughters and more talks than juz going out alone or juz 2 person. During xmas eve, ate at bugis swendens, then after that, was playing arcade. And after midnite.. went to watch Narnia..while I think tt show is not too bad ba.. haha.. but some friends of mine said tt that isn’t nice.

New Year
New Year is coming soon.. and I really dunno if I should celebrate at all. Perhaps I will juz stay at home and rest then.. instead of thinking where to go. Seriously I hate thinking.. I dun wan to think… recently I have been thinking too much and I feel hurt at times.. esp my heart pain.. suddenly it juz come back.. I tot it no big deal anymore.. but sad to say.. it still exist.. haiz.. well wat to do.. no comments.. Maybe I should slp at home tt day and not think anything.. then this yr will be one yr tt I will be alone!~ Since I am not going anywhere.. there is nth I can say regarding this.. But wishes are also there for everyone.. Hope everyone will enjoy this new yr as 2006 is coming already!! All the best for the new yr and may all the dreams come true. Blessings for everyone and also good health to all.

Conclusion
Nth much at the moment..though I have been rather sad recently.. thanks for everyone of ur concern.. I will make things work out one day and learn to relief all my stress and not bother so much abt anything.. I should lead a happy life like I used to rather than like now.. give me this blessings ba!~ Love u all~! *hugs*