21 March 2006
Today is my last day of work. And I felt rather relief as finally I dun have anymore stress with work. I can concentrate on my studies.
So many things have happened recently after since I spoke to u Maurice. Thanks for the concern. I know tt u r quite bz lately tt’s y I din wan to bother u.. U should know tt I dun like to bother ppl with my stuffs as I dun wan u all to worry abt my problem when u ppl have so many problems urself. Tt is why I choose to pool out all my problems here.
I never expect tt saying my personal feelings here can cause conflicts. I juz wan to say it out so tt I will not feel bad.. I dun wan to make ppl sad tt’s y I write here. But I din expect tt this will turn out like tt. I’m sorry everyone. I understand all of u all care for me differently and tt’s y have different views. Sometimes I believe problems r not easier said face to face. But when u write out.. it is something different.. u can juz pour everything out without hesitation as u will not be bothering ppl’s time and u can let out a little. The reason y I choose to update a blog is becoz I wan my friends know how I feel.. what type of person I am and what has happened ard me.
Berlinda.. thanx for the concern.. I appreciate tt. I will try to update my blog as and when I am free. Perhaps I might try to minimise writing my feelings if this would bring happiness for all. But other writing abt my own feelings, I really dunno wat else to write.. coz I really dunno who to talk to when I have problems.. haiz.. I will try to update new stuffs ba.. if I really can’t then I am sorry..
Maurice.. I remember ur sayings.. and I too remember my sayings.. tt’s y I choose to leave.. coz 勉强是没幸福的。I really dun wan to end this r/s but I felt tt both our characters r so different juz like in this case.. writing a blog.. things I need I cant get.. in the end I feel so hurt putting in so much feelings.. I have no one to blame but myself this I understand.. juz give me sometime to forget abt everything and to start fresh.. I will start looking for a new job and also new lifestyle I supposed… Well, somethings r really easy said then done.. I will try my best to fulfil everyone wishes here.. but give me time.. as I am yes.. Emotionally down.. so I seriously need time.. becoz I am softhearted.. tt’s y when he comes back.. or sms me.. I will tend to reply.. and start giving him chance again.. I know I have to stop this but really.. give me some time.. I will overcome it…
Well, this week is my last week of work and school. After tt I will be having papers on 12 and 13 April.. 7 to 9PM.. continuously 2 days is not a nice thing man.. With the mood I am having.. I really dunno if I can concentrate on studies.. but ppl.. dun worry I will not flung my papers. Since I have given up my job and the r/s.. I will have to accept it and move on.
Thank you everyone!~
posted by XiaoYuE at 12:46 PM
4 Comments:
I've understood. Sorry for causing so much trouble. I do appreciate some things you done. When ever Im entering this blog in a new day, I have some phobias that you would write stuffs about me again.
But thats ok. Your blog entries reflects your thinking alot and really discourage me from going back although It maybe vice versa.
I dare to post here, any negative comments from 'outsiders' who only understand the girl, doesn't even affects me. *no offence*
It all starts on that friday after my last paper, im free finally and ask you out (Although Im sicked), fetch you to bugis and ask wether you wanna go pub with my classmates who suggested.
And from there, You thinking that I have time for my classmates and other people and No time for you. Whenever I'm busy studying for my final year papers, You will feel left out by me although I may it a point to call and sms you at least everyday. If thats not enough Im sorry.
I do buy back dinner for you and tried my best to meet you even on my exam day. I shouldn't have suggested going to the pub.
From then, Ive been miss call you everyday, there's a time 10+ miss calls and you didnt return my call or sms me the next day, until I bother sms you multiple times.
No offence again.
I understand wat u have done and appreciate wat u have done.
But everyone feels and think differently. To u.. if someone dun pick ur call or reply ur sms, u juz continue to do so.. u go recall.. everyday u juz ask things as and when u like.. Have u ever tried askin things like "is there anything wrong recently? have i done anythin tt u feel tt u r angry at tt's y u do not reply me? or have u try comforting me saying if there's anything i can do.. let me know.. so it can prevent u from doing so now...
Were all these words ever mention? At least I know tt Dylan knows abt all this.. though he might as his problems, but he will know how to comfort a ger when it has to be.
If I've coz u any hurt or pain.. i'm sorry.. tt's y i choose to leave but leaving u any pain..
I've td u.. i write this block basically for 2 reasons.
1. Not bothering another frien who has their own problem. If they know tt they have problem, they would even come here.. and if they do.. if they still can choose to help or not to.. At least I dun force them or put them in a difficult spot.
2. To keep a diary for myself of coz.. I would look back to wat has happened in the past to know how I was and how I have been, therefore I felt nth wrong in writing out my feelings here.
If i refrain from writtin my personal feelings.. i really dunno y i need a online diary for?
As mentioned, I'll not write anythin tt relates to u anymore.. if I used to do so, I sincerely apologise for wat I did so and there will not be anymore in future.
Thank you so much for ur advise.
is there anything wrong recently? have i done anythin tt u feel tt u r angry at tt's y u do not reply me?
At that point of time, seriously I cant find a chance to ask. I've understood your blog. And yours is very unique.
U haven even tried hard & u tell me no chance? Did u try callin my home instead Or did u try comin dw my place at nitez instead? If u call my home, my mum would have asked me 2 pick & i'll have 2 pick and if u come 2 my place, i'll sure go down even despite the fact I can't go out. Juz ignorin tt new yr incident, tt i dunno tt's y i din come dw. If u haven known all this, this juz shows tt u dunno me well at all.. No chance is unacceptable!!
Sincerity is something u seriously lack of.. u muz learn 2 improve ur words and actions seriously. If ur client dun reply ur sms, do u continue to sms him and call him only? I hope u do bear this in mind and will nt make the same mistake. It's good for ur nx r/s as well as ur life..
I guess u may not even be reading, but if u r, hope u heed my advise & do somethin abt it.
Anyway I have already forgive & forget abt the incident already & prepare 2 accept this pain u have given me and move on. I understand the pain u have too, tt's y i decide nt to persue the r/s & move.
Even at times I still feel quite empty.. but with your words and action, it has urged me to move on.. Everyone is so far ahead of me.. hw can i stay here?
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