3 Oct 2004

Now is already the 3rd. Another 3 more days is his birthday. I have no idea if he will ask me out. Someone asked why dun I ask him out personally? I dunno. I am afraid of being rejected. Somemore its his birthday, he may want to spend it with someone else. I rather not asked and remain juz sad that I will not go out with him on Wed then to hear him telling me he got appointment already juz like today. I say he is meeting his friends already.

I went dw ramen ten eat with my mother and brother today. I went dw juz becoz I wished to see him. But somehow to my disappointment he td me tt he is meeting his friens. Upon leaving Far East, I almost cried my heart out. But I tell myself what tt has happened today is all I brought for myself. I have no one to blame but myself. If I haven been so stubborn perhaps I would be suffering like wat I am now.

Learning my rejection to ask him out, my heart hurts again. I sat dw at one corner and rested before I go Bugis. I know for now he is not going to read my blog anymore. Somehow or rather I feel it. I really feel tt the distance between us is gettin bigger and I dunno how to mend it. Somehow I feel tt the concern tt I used to get from him is no longer there. He is not as caring as before. I really have a hard time this few days. I rather I dun see him. At least I dun get hurt. Each time I see him I cry coz I do love him, but I dunno how to express myself. I seriously feel like mia for a period of time until I can get over him. I cant get over my ownself. Right at this moment I am crying typing this out. I really feel juz like jumping dw the windows to ease all the pain I have right at this moment. I really cannot take it anymore.

I waited at Bugis until 1plus hopefully he will reply me but he din so I went home. I told him tt we shall end this here coz I really cant accept the way it is. At this rate we are going I really will break dw. I rather not have him totally than to have him with no complete heart for me. Yes I may be thinking too much but somehow I do feel that things wont turn out so sweet like how we used to be like. Nth from him anymore. He sms to on my phone as he wans to tok seriously with me. I really dun wan to tok. I really wan to go dw and walk walk like tt day after on fri nite after he left, I cried all nite long. I walked ard until 6 in the mornin then go back.

I felt nice with him ard me. But I wanna cry when he is leaving coz I feel that he dun care as much as he used to. I dunno how to explain but the feelin is somehow like tt. Sorry for everythin. Thanks for the love you gave me and all the while you have gone thru with me.

I gonna go out and think again.