26 Sept 2004

Sun Morning
He juz left my place. I have no idea if he is heading home. He apologise for all he had done and wanted me to forgive and be back together. Seriously I dunno how. I simply juz cant accept the things he had done to me. It's so hurtful. Yes to him he say tt he msg her juz becoz he wanna feel being loved. But wat abt my feelings. Have he ever tot of my feelings again? Time and time again I have been giving him the chance but he simply juz took me for granted. It really hurts alot lorz.. I have no means to accept him back yet. I understand how he feels. I may understand y he did tt, but it is simply juz not fair to me. Imagine I am the one who ask another ex for patch and td him the same thing, maybe he might be screaming at me. He is trying to hit himself. It really hurts me seeing him do so. I dun wan him to hurt himself. It is very painful to see tt. Upon holding him back, I also hurt myself haiz..

Haiz.. My winamp is playing Cyndi - Bao Zhe Ni Ku.. haiz.. So sad, feel like crying.

We had quite a long tok. He again tell me how he feels. But I really dunno how to accept him back. Feel so hurt. I dun like to see him doing things tt hurt himself. Feel so hurtful to see it. I really dunno. He say he noes we cant go back like last time, but he will still do wat he can do and will do the best. Time and time really I have heard it but always tt's not really so... I managed to convince him to take cab home, rest early and go to work later. I wished he could continue to go on his life no matter wat happens. I dun wan see him like tt. My heart hurts so when I see it. He say he dun have money so I gave him money to go home. He say he took cab to several places and spend quite an amount. He even actually prepared to bring me go ktv and even brought me a jacket. But wat's the use. Haiz.. I gave my last 10 bucks I had to him. Now I am so broke. More broke than him. I wonder how am I going to survive for the rest of the week xia.. I am so tired. My legs and arms hurts and my heart too.

I dunno how things are going to be like now. Thanx for u ppl concern. I am fine but juz that I think now I muz really be careful myself. I also dunno what I am toking. I juz hoped that he is okie and also he will noe what he should do. I dun wan him quit the job.. SO TIRED.... Guess I need to go slp le!~