10th September 2004

O man!~ Haiz.. this is very very the bad!!~ Getting bad and bad.. Ya I noe both of us cant be friends any more. Well he went back today to Ramen Ten to eat luckily I din go, if not will see him there. Last min I felt a little sick so din go dw. I guess he wont read anymore from wat I see his blog, so I guess it makes no difference on wat I write. Finally somehow can write how I feel a little.

Well friens, sorry to tell you all I still miss him alot. Although he treated me like this, as I have said, I had forgiven him. But we juz cant go back. I really hoped I can tok, play gb, kof and go out again with him as a frien, as least things maybe better, but I noe it is really hard or rather impossible. Hai, I really dunno why I am like this. Seeing him saying me all in this blog really hurts me alot. Guessed he regretted going with me too coz he complained he spend his last mth pay on me. Well, I also spend on him when I am dw on cash, bought him dinner, pure milk tshirt, watch movies. Well, miss those times together where I disturbed him. Haha.. like spiderman!! so toot!~ :p I do missed the days we were together, not juz remembering all the bad times. But somehow ppl always say honeymoon period cant be forever. It last too fast. All this while,, perhaps you all only remember all the bad things I say abt him, but then I did say something gd b4, but perhaps it is juz too minor tt you r din notice. Well, luckily he dun see it anymore. If not he sure say me again.

Saw him at Bugis Arcade again. Well, ytd he say he wanted to changed the new t-shirt he bought, I also had the idea, I wanted to change to the t-shirt I bought, but thinking back, wo men zheng de shi xin you ling xi.. lolz.. Well, I also duno why I so lame.. Ah di asked me why arent we together, is it tt we break, so I td him cant we juz quarrel? And he really believe and keep asking me to over to him. So funny. Actually I felt happy seeing him, but then I noe he isnt happy to see me as I can feel so. Perhaps he really hate me so much. Actually I wanted go qie him KOF juz now, but I noe he sure will be pissed off if I do so, so I din, I played with Henry Daddy Papa... Zeh Zet helped me in some games. Had over 10 over wins. Din spend much money today. Had dinner (laksa) with Henry they all at opp OG. Well, seriously as for now I really dunno what to say, coz I dunno how much he has loved me in this r/s, din expect that so fast he could say he likes koko again. Well, that only shows in his heart I may not be so important after all. Perhaps in the 1st place, I wasnt wrong. I was juz a passerby in his life. Like I say I never played a part in his life for the 3 mths he noes me. But somehow or rather, I juz happened to pass by and came back to his life again, tt's y we becum together. Sometimes I really feel sad coz I cant feel security in him. Tt's y wanna him do somethings, but he feels tt he is rite in his way and I feel tt I am rite in my ways and we quarrelled again. Life is juz life a dream. When you wake up, everything is over. Be it happy or sad, you juz have to move on with reality even though reality is cruel.

Happened to speak with koko this 2 days. But knowing that since he is interested, I think I shall stay a distance from her, if not maybe he thinks I am trying to do dunno what. Seeing him moving on in his life, I felt glad after all. Now I think it's only I cant put dw. Since he is happy with his life, I guess I juz shouldnt do things to piss him off then. But no matter what I say here, to him its juz craps. I dunno lehz.. Haiz, have always been wondering how he is, juz now played with him gb too. He din tok to me at all. Felt so disappointed. I asked him where the main office is but he din reply me.. felt so sad. So I juz kept quiet the whole game instantly. After that I went to play with longz and guang wei and vincent they all. At 1st, I felt that can play with him, it's something nice already, but after reading his blog, haiz.. felt so helpless.

Well, ppl who noe me should noe I wouldnt accept Feng one. In any means, r/s to me now is sad. I dun wish to step into another r/s. Sorry guys. Not until I really wan to find. Dunno what to say really. Auron know you have read my blog tt day.. and told me somethings, well those things arent true as I have said so juz let it be ba if you had also read his updated blog. The last one u saw I believe is way pass back already.

I go out with anyone, be it guys or gers. Yes true anyone juz to forget all the things. Since he had go on I also should go on. This time seriously I lose!~ Haiz.. Maybe he really make me cant put things dw. Well okie enuff, I noe you all dun like me to tok all this, I shall stop here abt him.

Thinkin to go sakae to work part time there. Thinkin to hold 2 PT jobs. But I am afraid I will be stressed coz I still need to rush my assignments. Feel like going but you xin wu li.. So no choice, see how 2molo. If my schedule still cmi, then I will go for the interview there.

Life hasnt change much recently, still going out, playing, trying to put on a happy smile with everyone. Sorry if u all feel that I am being fake, but then I juz dun wan u all to worry for me. :) I will be fine, so let me be.

Zeh Zet also showed me some pics today. Haha.. so funny, it onli makes me laugh at Yama's stupidity hehe.. Well, tt's his secret I shouldnt exposed, but cant stop laughin when I think of it. Hmm I felt rather bad for Zeh Zet as he dun tok to him now. Guess maybe Zeh Zet is close to me now, tt's y he never tok to him. Whatever the reason well, juz dun wanna say much coz I feel bad for Zeh Zet. At the same time, I also felt awkward when I see youyi they all. Seeing youyi, xz, botak onli remids me of him. I dun dare to go near them either, I dunno why, I am afraid he feels that I am trying to get close to his friens and dunno what I will do like same as koko. Well, I dunno how. Bugis is a place I will go for sure. But I am always afraid of this and tt.. haiz.. Dunno how xia.. I am always like tt. Anything also worry. Scare this and tt. This is really very very bad.. Onli adding additional problems to myself, tt's y I can never be really happy until someone who truly understands me.

I really wanna ask him "Can we be friens pls....?"
"NO!! I cant be bothered, Go do watever you wan, I dun care!" is the answer I noe I am going to get.. haiz..
As I am always passive and thinkin tt I noe the result, I really dun dare to approach him. Actually really wanna say hi to him at Bugis, but I am afraid he would ignore me, so dun go over better.

Looking at the roses he gave me. It reminds me of all the sweet moments like the scent of the flowers. But roses have thorns, juz like in every r/s there's thorns. Well,I had long forgotten abt all the bad moments. Somehow, the happy moments in my mind are also fading. Onli rememnber those few. Memories can be brought back somehow, but I feel that sometimes it better to let it dead if the other party has already moved on and hate you so much. I noe he hates me to the core. Whatever I do, wherever my appearance, simply juz pissed him off. He regretted and say tt tt's te worse r/s he ever had. I really felt so sad.

Guess I have nth to say le. Onli really feel like tellin him can we be friens and go out together, play kof together, eat together, and also gb together? That's what I really asked for. Guessed no choice okie.. Wanna say I am sorry for what I have done if he feels that I am wrong and thanx for the love in the past 1 1/2 mths. The reason why we cant continue is we are both stubborn. This he muz also agree coz he is also stubborn but he always dun see tt. I admit I am stubborn. Dun wanna explain y la. Maybe I am always getting hurt in all the r/s. Tt's y I choose to be like tt. Seriously, I am not a spolit brag. I have given in much to him already, but he doesnt notice it. It's okie. As long as he is happy, tt's important. Be it whether he hates me or not. As long as he is happy good enuff. Hopefully he can find someone tt loves and understand him as it is true, somewhere in Singapore there lies a ger who he is goin to marry and spend his life with. Thanx Darran for everything. Dun feel that I am writing rubbish okie. I have always been writing the truth, even for this time. I really meant it from the bottom of my life!~ That's all folks!~