1st Sept 2004

Bad bad bad and still bad... Sad sad sad and still sad.. everyday ends with a sad day I dunno y. Am I too demanding or am I tolerating too much already? No matter how angry how sad how pissed off I am I do not hang up the phone. Why does he have to do it for the 2nd time and tell me all those things. This is the 2nd time he deleted me away from gb. Since he delete me then y bother add me back? And he still can answer me dun tok dun tok lorz.. Telling me he had enough of it liaoz.. I was so disppointed. I am too sad to reply such a thing. When he called I tot everything was fine. But he come saying me again. I am not someone who can change mood easily. How do u expect me to be fine after some small arguments. I noe he arent happy with the way I treat him. I dunno y. Both of us wans our way and we dun wish to give in. Why is this so? Am I really so hard to be with? If so tell me. I am tired seriously very tired. Everyday I prayed for a new day with happiness and no arguments, but every nitez we quarrel. And I haven had much laughters lately. Today, I am also expected a brand new day when I see you, but I was sad to say it end up a disaster. I was so happy to see him today. When I poped up the news that I am not going to work on thurs, he was like not excited. I was a little disappointed in that as I tot he would be happy but end up is like like this lorz... Haiz. What on earth is happening? Juz becoz I cant promise one thing, things have to turn out like tt, I am very very hurt. Juz becoz I say I am too used to call Levis "Airen".. we end up like this juz becoz I say "TOO USED TO". And he wanna me promise him to stop callin him in future. Well things I cant do it how can I promise, obviously I muz be able to do it then I tell him so. I dun wish to make empty promises. I din say I not going to stop, but i need time.. so y cant I juz try 1st?

Every day every nitez, 2molo is my bdae alreadyand yet I cant be happy. I really cannot endure le. I am gonna collapse. Tt nitez when we go drink, again he shouted at me. Telling him times and again, he still has to shout. :( Tt is really the saddedst tears I ever shed so far. On sat nitez, again we muz quarrel. Juz becoz you dun let me out alone coz its late. I noe he do care and worry, but I also want to have my own time. Every time I spare a tot for him but he always say I dun. Whatever I have done so far are all not seen. :( Knowing he is sad I sms "Botak" to go accompany him. Afraid he is sad, I asked Botak accompany him. It seems like my fault when I see Botak tellin me tt somethings gers should take the initiative too. Well, I feel that I have taken too much initiative tt's y i always feel he does not and also vice versa. Both of us are just too passive. I wanna have a nice bdae this yr. If I cant have it, I rather I stay at home the whole day. Seriously I am also wondering will we also quarrel in Thurs and Fri? What am I supposed to do if this really happens? :(