15th & 16th August 2004

15th August 2004
As I say today is our 1st month, everything is so fast. One month have past and alot things have happened. I studied a little today and play gb in the evening. As I was playing with him, we started to have a little misunderstandin, and we stopped the game and talked things out. After tt, I went dinner with my family. On the way to dinner, he was smsing me, I felt something amiss, but I couldnt figure out!~ At last, I managed to get to know that he is actually at my place downstairs. When I reached home, I saw the picture he send me. It was my house playground, so I realized he was still around. As I was abt to go dw, I saw he saw his nx sms again. So I went dw look for him and saw him. We went to the playground and tok. He gave me a hp chain with his name and he got my name for himself. Seeing him remember tt it is our 1st month I am so happy. This is not juz it. Being able to see him, I am really very happy abt it. I am really surprised that he came. So sweet of him to have come and give me the gift.
Although things have aways been solved, somehow I know things are not total solved, I really wished for a lot of things but somehow I know things can never always be my way. Sometimes I feel that love is hard to explain. I feel that sometimes I really have not been treating him nice. Always he wants me not to say all this harsh words, but I always say like nobody's business tt he dun like. Am I really so bad? Haiz.. Do I really sux in all tt I do? What can I do to myself in order to make him feel happy? I really dunno how. If he feels that by teasing him means the truth, then I might as well dun speak. I am really seriously dunno wat to do. I really hoped that he can be happy I also can be happy. But sometimes things are only one-sided. There's no 2-sided. How I wished things can sometimes be in my way. I really dunno man!!! Am I seriously doing the right thing? Am I loss? How I wished r/s is not so hard. I wish tt it would be sweet and nice.
Sometimes I feel that my r/s is not easy. I feel that he is also like comparing me with his previous r/s. As he haven have a r/s for long, maybe he feels tt maybe we should have alot of things to say or I ought to tell him. I felt tt I have already td him alot and more than wat I should say. Sometimes I really wish to tell u that I am not like ur other girlfriends. Dun make our r/s like ur previous. I really feel tt u like wan me to be like how ur previous r/s is like lorz.. We will end up no where. Maybe you are not adapt to the way I am nor am I adapt to wat u wan. I dun wan to live in ur past r/s. Can we have our own r/s and not like ur others? I really hope I am wrong abt it. I seriously feel like crying right at this moment. Is r/s so weak tt we cant hold? Is reality really reality? What we see izzi wat we see? And wat we want is really wat we get? I really cannot answer all these qns. Maybe true love doesnt goes truth. I am really tryin although to u its not but I seriously wanna tell u I am!!

16th August 2004
Today Monday, I studied a little until abt 6 in the morning and after that I sms him, hopefully to get him up!! He this 小猪猪 is really like a 猪!! He is again late for work lolz.. dunno wat to say him. Anyway, as he gave me a small surprise last nite, I decide to give him a small surprise today too. I know he wants to see Twins Effect, so I decide to go watch with him. After I bought the tix, I tear into 2 and put them at different pockets of my jacket. When he came, I td him tt I asked him dw onli to pass him a present and I am going off le. I gave him one tix and td him I onli got one tix and he can go see alone and I will be going home already. Haha.. But somehow or rather my surprise to him izzi a surprise. lolz.. he said he guessed it already and he even bought me his jacket juz in case I din ask him and he would ask me to go see. haha.. such little care dun think I dunno horz.. dun think I dun say means I dunno, like I say sometimes actions can show alot and I can see them. As for what I have done, if you still cannot feel it, you muz try to be more sentimental or maybe I will have to do more le. As I am not feeling so well, perhaps my attitude wasnt tt gd but I dun mean wat coz I am seriously not feeling good. Really hoped tt u understand.
I may not be ur best girlfrien you ever had nor am I the most caring one you ever had. I may be one of them who hurt u the most or cant be understand with u, but tt doesnt mean I dun love u. Like I have said, I love u juz like I love my mum. I can only try to be what u asked for although sometimes I do feel tt its like living in ur past r/s and this I seriously dun like, and we always end up quarrelling.
Juz now on phone with u, I really hoped to tell u, but again, I am stuck. I really dunno wat I should say or do. All these while, seriously have I not done enuff to show u tt I really cared? I really wished to go out with my friens, but I know u dun like them, tt's y i dun go out with them and I am always with u. This whole month, other than work, school, and being with u, I really nv tok with much or hang up with anyone le. My whole blog this mth is only all on him. My dear friens, if I really have neglect u, I'm truly sry. Becoz I love him, tt's y I have to go. Pls forgive me!~ Sometimes, I really hope tt I can have him going out with my grp of friens and enjoy with me and at the same time, I wished to go out with ur grp of friens so u can enjoy urself too. Seeing grps I do enjoy coz I see everyone joking and having fun although I dun talk much, but at least I noe somehow ppl do enjoy. I noe I have been asking too much in this r/s le. I cant ask for more. W/o u by my side, its so lonely. Feel like spending long time with u but always time are limited. Enjoyable moments are always so short.