1st August 2004

1^st August 2004, Sun
Today is 1st August 2004. Right at this moment, my heart hurts. Although not alot, but it somehows hurts a little. I am sad because again today I've to send him back. I juz dun like tt kind of feeling. Why do I always have to send ppl off and not vice versa. I juz wanna be pamper at times, but why am I not here to have such a life? upon leaving PS, I was abt to cry, but seeing him so tired, I really do not wish to hold him back. Although how unwilling I am to send hm back 1st, I still bear the painfulness to say ok his place then my place. It cost me $10 to reached home!!! 1st time paying so much for cab fare in town area. Tt's another reason y i dun like to go his place then my place coz the cab uncle is bound to take long road. Haiz.. After he dropped off, tears rolled dw my cheeks rite away. My heart seriously hurts. It's so painful. "Hao Xin Ku" Juz when I was abt to reached home, he gave me a call. And asked if everythings is alrite. I juz pretended nth has happened and td him ya wat I felt I have already td u. After he hangs up, I am writting the blog already.

Today, I went to AMK to work. Again, I have to give out flyers. What a task! Sales at there is not bad but today seems rather low. Vincent treat me Espirit today. I kept a little and brought dw to Far East for him to try. Again he dun like it like the lemon lime. We went bugis and saw henry. He din like Henry and Henry din like him. I could already expect tt but what can I do. One is my gd frien and the other is my boyfrien. Sometimes I wonder, I have done so much things for him, but does he appreciate or he is juz taking it for granted. And still will take in for granted in future. Xue Shi once say tt I shouldn't do so much for him lorz. I should let him do most of the things. However, I still do all the things for him.

I am usually quiet. I believe he somehow cant accept tt coz he keep saying tt I dun wanna tok to him means I dun want him. I really dunno wat to say. Nowadays, we always seems to quarrel over little things now and then. I really dun wan anymore quarrels. Really very painful!

Now at this moment, my heart is still painful. I dunno what I can do or what I ought to do. Life is so difficult at times. I juz wish that he can automatically hug me w/o me sayin, coax me, pamper me etc. Am I askin too much or is tt he is juz like that, I shouldnt ask for more. I serioulsy dunno. Let's juz hope I can feel one of these things one day.