Feelings at this current moment

I specially wan to write this blog becoz I have no where to pour it out! This shall be the reservoir for me to release my water!~

Currently I realized I like this guy. He says he likes me but I seriously cant feel it. There is alot I really want to talk about in this post. Seriously alot.

There's once, a guy call Chris say he likes me, but he is shorter than me. Somehow or rather, I really cannot accept him, so i reject. But he ask me gif him the chance and everythin. At 1st, I din want, but some of my friends juz ask me to give him this chance so I decided to take the next step. But juz as I pour out my 1st step, he told me that he went to the temple and "qiu qian", the fortune teller td him not to have a r/s now or the ger will be in bad luck, so he gave up. I was hurt a little, but luckily i haven step in, so i was lucky, from then I dare not dare to accept guys again if i hestitate.

He send me his blog on 04/23/2004 I din go see becoz that time I din wanna see I dunno Y. But before I contacted him back thru SMS i saw his blog last week. I realized actually he likes other girls!!! But tt time I wasnt sad or angry coz I still have step out. I believe he doesnt know actually I have read his blog. Juz becoz i read his blog, I dunno if he still have feelings for her. I dare not think coz she is in any cases prettier nicer and lot ways better off than me. When I enter Ramen Ten, I finally saw who is Yvonne. She is cute sweet and far more better than me. I have nth much to say. I noe guys like pretty gers but too bad I am not, so wat can U do. I questioned him alot of times if he interested in any staff but he say not interested. Why till now he still wanna lie to me?? I am sad... I keep mentioning Yvonne and Zhuhui to him he say not interested.. haiz.. if he is interested he should juz tell me.. but why is he treatin me like tt? Does he likes me or not? I seriously dunno..

He say he likes me but I seriously cannot feel it. All these whiles i have been wondering am i juz the ger he is waiting for or actually there's more gers in his life and after i tok with him on phone juz now.. I simply juz couldnt bear to expose him.

He did not like the way I treated him and wans me to change. But i feel that he is seriously too selfish coz he onli wans me to change and he is not changing. He wans me to accept wat he is. I was seriously veri pissed of with him. I tell myself not to think so much.

I accepted him as a bf today (July 15). Although I still feel unfair, but i wan to try... Initially i was afraid tt's y i din accept. But i dunno wat got into me today and I've accepted. Maybe becoz Jasmine td me to..

Jasmine td me if I really like him, then i should learn to be like a "xiao nu ren" and let him be. Although she also understands that gers also needs to be coax at times. She can feel that I like him but I dun dare to say it out so she made the move for me by smsing back him when he sms me. So he really came dw to Orchard MRT to fetch me home juz now. I am happy to see him but still uncertain.

After he went home he tell me tt he wanted to update his blog, so I asked him wat he wanna update, he juz said his work stuff. I was initialled disappointed but i pretend as if nth has happen and pester him for an answer hopefully he can tell me that I am gonna be mention in his blog. But nevertheless, he did not say or even update the blog. I am very sad I am NEVER in his blog!! Why is this so?? If I am not in y did he tell me he likes me?? I am veri confused haiz.. I really dunno how.. I cant pretend nth has happen all the time. What more i do get to see Yvonne at times.

I get jealous easily, I dunno wat should I say or do in this point. I am afraid I cannot take it. I am afraid to get hurt again. I really wish to ask his bro, but i am afraid to bother his bro, I am afraid his bro is not happy with me. Haiz.. why is this so?

What am I supposed to say or react when I see him in work 2molo? Now I dunno am I rite to accept him? Coz he lied to me he had waited all this time, but actually likes the other gers. Haiz...

He said I lied to him and wans me to "pu chang", but I think wat he lies to me is much more major than my one.. shouldnt he be the one "pu chang" not me? haiz....