19th August 2004

19th August 2004, Thurs
Its Thursday already. O god I'm having my 1st paper 2molo. I really wished to pass and have gd grades. But with the speed I am going, I have doubts. This few days again we quarrel. Was honeymoon juz 1st 2 weeks for us? I really dunno. Wat am I gonna do if I fail my paper this time? I really dunno. Everyone usually say tt when u r in a r/s, it's like tt u cant do anything rite juz becoz u have the other party on mind. Yes true enuff, my mind is filled with him. With all the good and bads. Whenever I am sad, I will think of those happy stuffs we encounter b4, juz like when u 1st sing me "ke ai nu ren", knowing u were happy when i got the right "burger" for u, when u came my place any gave me the hp chain, and even the latest joke u tell me abt tt cute little pig face joke i get to see one morning when i wake up and many more. Some of them may not be distinct, I do remember all clearly in my mind. Friends I noe u all always ask me y I choose to stay on in this r/s when I am always hurt. Again I am telling u all, u all dun see the things I see in him. No matter how bad he is, to me he is still the best. Hope u all will give me ur blessings.
Last nitez, he came dw to my place again and bought me 2 packets of my fav peanuts. So nice of him. Actually when he 1st ask me what bread is nice in bread talk, I am already wondering izzi he is coming dw with bread. However I td him I not into bread talk. So he came dw with 2 packets of peanuts knowing I will be hungry at nitez when I study. Thanx xiao zhu zhu!! How thoughtful of u.
I noe u have seen my blog and u feel sad each time u see my blog. I understand how u feel. I am sad too. But seriously I cant give u any promises becoz I am afraid I cant do it. I can onli try until tt day when I really can. I keep quiet becoz I dun wish to quarrel. Yes, indeed I am veri "xin ku". Everytime I quarrel with u, I am bound to cry. It's really hurtful. When we quarrel, I juz cant stand u always say tt y I always do this and tt and still do it when I noe we gonna quarrel. Tt's becoz u keep sayin me tt's y I am hurt. Although u always ask me dun say its my fault, but look at wat u say, y am I doing this and tt?? Isnt tt saying I start the quarrel. Tt's y I am sad. I noe u give in generally, but have u ever realized I give in alot to u too w/o any complaints but u keep saying me as though i have no feelings. That is why I am hurt. Ur words are harsh. Seriously too harsh. I really cant take it. I do so much for u already but yet till now u still cant feel it. I am realy veri disappointed in myself. I am trying to work hard but I am juz sad tt u cant feel tt I am doing so.