11th Sept 2004

Juz came home from Cineleisure after watchin Terminal by Tom Hanks. COOL!!~ NICE SHOW!~ You ppl should go watch. It is a typical movie-style show and with a little comedy. It's so nice, dunno how to exactly describe. After the show, I took a cab home. The aunty pass by the area behind Wisma. It reminds me of the incident I quarrelled with him once. Suddenly felt like crying out. But I hold back my tears. O damn. The aunty pass by my place and din turn in!! CRAP!! I had to walk all the way in myself. I walked past the playground. I tot of him again. Remembering how we spend the nite there tt day. He accompanied me until almost dawn and he took a cab home. He has to work morning shift but he still stayed and accompanied me after we catch a movie. O man.. why am I remembering all these????

Till now I still wonder does he love me? My mind is still the same as the day when I go stead with him. Confused coz I have no ideas if he loves me or not. All tt he mentioned in this blog is tt ger.... Tt ger.. again tt ger.. and now still tt ger.. and thru the whole r/s, I couldnt feel the security I want. Sometimes I wonder isnt tt he is too lonely, tt's y he come to me? If not, why would he complain so much after we break up. Cant even be friends now. When he went back to Ramen Ten ytd, he even called up to ask if I am workin? Are things really tt bad. I really dunno. I seriously feel like crying. Crying is all I can do and my tears are not worth anything to him at all. I really dunno why I step into it when I dun feel securityness!~ I am like a fool now. Thinking back, I am really foolish I guessed. I believed that he is too lonely tt's why he choose me. He complained everythin in his last few blogs. Never said anythin tt is worth for him to do. If he doesnt love me in the 1st place, who go stead with me? WHY? Why does he has to treat me like this? I duno owe him anythin. Why muz I suffer all this then? If in his heart, he only have her, he should go find her all these whiles and not be with me. It onli hurts me much more when I think abt him or her or places we have been together esp in workplace. Andrick could see tt I am down for the whole day. Never seen such a depressed me ever. I really cant stand guys cheating me!~ Seriously not. It's hurtful, painful. A knife has juz cut thru the heart. My heart hurts this few days again. Everyday I get up, I cant use force, I juz try to cool myself dw to ease the pain. It is worse than b4. Dunno what will happen. Dunnno... I really dunno wat lehz... Everything I do now is wrong. Simply juz feel irritated in myself for anythin I do. However, I noe he doesnt care how I feel. This is saddening. If ever I can wished for something now, I really hoped he can come and tell me sorry and let's be friends then and go out play kof , gb , watch moive, sing song, anything, juz like b4. But I noe it's me who is wishful thinking. This will never happen and he will never forgive or talk to me ever. This I noe for sure. Tell me I am wrong someone can???

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I saw alot of my ex poly classmates today. Well they had a gathering and forgot to inform me, but they came dw far east to look for me as they know I am working here. Well, they say they might have a bbq 2molo as Zhiwei is gonna fly to I forgot where le.. lolz.. Then if I can make it I will go for sure! It has really been long since we last met. I guessed it has been almost 2 yrs already. Talked with them alittle after work. Din really catch up alot but exchanged numbers with some of them. Some of them changed alot, like Eunice Judy and even Huimin. Well, Sam, Zhiwei, James and Raymond looks the same, Joyce and Eileen too. Well hope I can see them soon another day when I am not working.

Coz I juz got the job at Sakae!! I went over for interview after my work. I td them I am still workig in Ramen Ten, they din mind and td me I could start work nx week. Nice!~ But however, I am alittle worried. I wonder if I am gonna have hours. Wonder if the schedules crashes with Ramen Ten and also wonders if I work here, do I have time for my assignment. I am alittle worried. Well, I always worry alot as usual. Saw some ppl there, but dunno they ok or not, if they are gonna be like Zhou Yu, I really wanna cry. Today, I asked her to bring customer in as Andrick is doing cashier, then I dunno Suzhen or Jolyn is serving customer, and I am serving food and drinks, so I asked her to bring as she is juz wiping the utensils. But she say Andrick is there, but I td her to go coz Andrick is doing cashier and she dun seems to understand and stays there, so i serve my food quickly and took over the cashier. Suzhen was also complaining abt her. Haha.. dunno what to say xia.

I going over AMK more often for the nx few weeks as I think some ppl are clearing leaves and also having some transfer of staffs. It's not the distance I worry but its him I worry. Guess he is going over soon. Hopefully it doesnt crash with my schedules. Hope he will go over later. Haiz.. Dunno hopefully I get more schedules at Sakae ba.

Again I worry if I get schedules, no time for assignment!! SQL!! O god, I really forgot SQL. It's 2 yrs ago thingy and now you wanna me recall I really cant recall. Haiz, guess I have to look thru it one of these days soon to start on my assignment, if not I am going to fail coz it's week 2 already. Next Wed is week 3!! I better got to buck up and stop thinking abt all these.

Thinking of going shopping to pamper myself 2molo to ease everything. Hmm.. thinking of getting something but till now still considering to get or not coz I have no idea if he appreciates or not. Wanna get him a bdae present which falls nx mth. Although it's still early, but then, actually not long le. Well, see how 2molo la. Okie gtg le.. see y FOLKS!~